Waiting

Have you ever experience a most difficult exercise that God whats you to do?

Where God, purposely make you practice things you hate to try to eliminate it from your life or make you a better person?

When I clicked my e-Bible on the word "wait", it found 155 verse that contain the word "wait".

But personally, I relates more on Psalm 69:3 "I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God."


You see, I am not very good at waiting. As a matter of fact, I simply hate waiting...and the verse in Psalm 69:3 pretty much sums up what I felt about waiting for God's answer in my life. I guess, it is my weakness that I need to work on...and God is doing His work on me to make sure that I constantly exercise "waiting"...so that I become more patience, more trusting...and less uptight I guess.


When I listen to sermon that encourage us to wait for God's answers...or telling us that God's answer to the problem of life is coming soon...or keep the faith; for me, realistically speaking, it is difficult.


What should I do while waiting for God's answer to my life's problems? Should I sit and do nothing...or should I work and help God's toward the solution of my life's problem? To tell you the truth...I DON'T KNOW...and this is the most difficult part of all, I think: not knowing what to do, while waiting for God's answer to my life's problem.


However, I recently come to a very shallow realization, which I don't know yet if it is the right thing to do....that when I am waiting for God's answer to my life's problem, I should just enjoy it...find somekind of positive things to do, keep serving others...and don't try to stay put and do nothing, it will encourage your mind to wonder off negatively sometimes. It is difficult to stay busy, because you don't know the effect of the work you are doing...but I find this most helpful.

LIFEBOOK- AGENDA 2009 & BEYOND!!

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants (factory)
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. MAKE TIME FOR PRAYER
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2008 (or years before that)
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day ---- and while you walk, SMILE !!

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do ; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. SMILE AND LAUGH MORE
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD HEALS EVERYTHING
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up !
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be HAPPY !!!!!!!

Last but not the least :

40. Do share this to everyone you care about

Marriage & Divorce of a Pastor Family

Do you know that sometimes I feel like being married and then suddenly I have to get a divorce??

Yup, being in the ministry sometimes make me feel like I'm in a multiple marriages and divorces situation. One day, we are assigned..."married" to a church....and after a few years, we have to be reassigned..."divorce and remarried" to another church.

On one hand, it is a good situation...on the other hand...it is not easy!!! How can you quickly forget your former church and move your heart and feelings to a new church? The worse part is, it is most difficult for the children...this is because I was told that it is not "ethical" to keep going back and reconnected to the "former" church....just like it is not good to get "reconnected" to your former spouse.

This makes it a lonely situation for the whole family. Although making new friends are great but the transition period is the most lonely. I guess if you choose to serve, sometimes your cross is loneliness. Remember the song: "...but I don't know a thing, in this whole wide world...that's worse than being alone..." IT IS SOOOOO TRUE!!

When Christ called us to minister His church, He didn't exactly provide us with an "instruction manual" for this kind of changes is it? I admit that it is a very difficult situation...and the process will take time, heart, soul....and sometimes, money. My hope is only that God will not leave us so that we will not be alone.

Where No One
Stands Alone
By Mosie Lister


Once I stood in the night
With my head bowed low
In the darkness as black as could be
And my heart felt alone
And I cried, oh Lord!
Don't hide Your face from me....


Hold my hand, all the way
Every hour, every day
From here to the great unknown
Take my hand, let me stand
Where no one, stand alone!!


Like a king I may live
In the palace so tall
With great riches to call my own
But I don't know a thing
In this whole wide world
That's worse than being alone....

Hold my hand, all the way
Every hour, every day
From here to the great unknown
Take my hand, let me stand
Where no one, stand alone!!

In memoriam "Julien Francis Mandolang-Lonan"

In loving memory of my mother, a committed Christian, a wife and the 'Abigail' of the family. I miss you so much and hope to see you in that bright, beautiful morning...

"Go Down Death"
By James Weldon Johnson

Weep not, weep not,
She is not dead;
She's resting in the bosom of Jesus.
Heart-broken husband--weep no more;
Grief-stricken son--weep no more;
Left-lonesome daughter --weep no more;
She only just gone home.

Day before yesterday morning,
God was looking down from his great, high heaven,
Looking down on all his children,
And his eye fell on Sister Caroline,
Tossing on her bed of pain.
And God's big heart was touched with pity,
With the everlasting pity.

And God sat back on his throne,
And he commanded that tall, bright angel standing at his right hand:
Call me Death!
And that tall, bright angel cried in a voice
That broke like a clap of thunder:
Call Death!--Call Death!
And the echo sounded down the streets of heaven
Till it reached away back to that shadowy place,
Where Death waits with his pale, white horses.

And Death heard the summons,
And he leaped on his fastest horse,
Pale as a sheet in the moonlight.
Up the golden street Death galloped,
And the hooves of his horses struck fire from the gold,
But they didn't make no sound.
Up Death rode to the Great White Throne,
And waited for God's command.

And God said: Go down, Death, go down,
Go down to Savannah, Georgia,
Down in Yamacraw,
And find Sister Caroline.
She's borne the burden and heat of the day,
She's labored long in my vineyard,
And she's tired--
She's weary--
Go down, Death, and bring her to me.

And Death didn't say a word,
But he loosed the reins on his pale, white horse,
And he clamped the spurs to his bloodless sides,
And out and down he rode,
Through heaven's pearly gates,
Past suns and moons and stars;
on Death rode,
Leaving the lightning's flash behind;
Straight down he came.

While we were watching round her bed,
She turned her eyes and looked away,
She saw what we couldn't see;
She saw Old Death. She saw Old Death
Coming like a falling star.
But Death didn't frighten Sister Caroline;
He looked to her like a welcome friend.
And she whispered to us: I'm going home,
And she smiled and closed her eyes.

And Death took her up like a baby,
And she lay in his icy arms,
But she didn't feel no chill.
And death began to ride again--
Up beyond the evening star,
Into the glittering light of glory,
On to the Great White Throne.
And there he laid Sister Caroline
On the loving breast of Jesus.

And Jesus took his own hand and wiped away her tears,
And he smoothed the furrows from her face,
And the angels sang a little song,
And Jesus rocked her in his arms,
And kept a-saying: Take your rest,
Take your rest.

Weep not--weep not,
She is not dead;
She's resting in the bosom of Jesus.

Complex Febrile Seizures

Nothing in the world can explain the way I feel on Sabbath 14 April 2007...early morning....

It was about 11:30 pm Friday night, I checked on AJ's temperature...it was 37.5 deg Cel. Well, I thought it will sustain since I gave him a dose of paracetamol at 8 pm. It was supposed to last 6 hours. So I set my clock for 2 am so I can give him another dose of paracetamol.

Not to long after I fell asleep (I guess it was about 1 am Sabbath morning), AJ suddenly woke up in his usual jerking motion. Somehow I was also startled with his motion and woke up. A few second following that moment became the worst experience in my life.

Like watching a horror movie in slow motion, I watched my two year old son's body shake and jerked violently. His eyes was rolling upward and his breathing was irregular and rapid. Although it lasted only about 30 second, I swore it felt like forever. I did not know what's going on, I only knew I need to find help.

I screamed as loud as possible so that my next door neighbor would here me (AIIAS is a very close nit community). In less than a minute sister Nila (who was a nurse before continuing his school in Education) and sister Florance (who is now a doctor in Public Health) came down to see us. By this time, I was holding AJ in my arms and I can feel the heat from his body all over me.

Kakak (sister, in Indonesian) Nila and sister Florence quickly took some small towels and sponge bath AJ in order to control his fever. Pst. Joseph (Florance's husband) immediately help us in prayer. As for me, I couldn't do anything but cry even though I knew I had to do something. It seems the image of my son having convulsion linger on like that bad piece of music that stuck on your head.

After about two hours trying to reduced the fever, AJ finally woke up and asked for something to drink. We immediately gave him drink followed by another dose of paracetamol. By 4 am, I was exhausted and guiltily fell asleep with nightmares of blood, gore and other scary stuff.

6:30 am, AJ woke up and start crying pulling me out of my nightmares. He no longer had fever so I calmed him down and everything seems to be okay. I decided for me and AJ to stay home that Sabbath morning. He had no fever, had a good breakfast, drink his regular amount of water and formula and finally sleep soundly with me in the family room. After the church service, some of AJ's friends came to visit him (Deslie Ann, Cynthia, Clara, Louise, RM, and Keisha...believe it or not, AJ's friends are mostly girls!) While they were still around, we had fun talking and watching Geither music...suddenly, AJ became week. I put my hand on his forehead and again, the fever came back. I rushed to take his temperature and it was 39 deg Cel. I thought it was a bad thermometer so I told Cynthia if after I take AJ's temperature and it still 39 deg Cel, please call kakak Nila....and it was 39 deg Cel.

Kakak Nila came and again try to control his fever by sponge bath, but this time she suggested I took him to the doctor. Pastor Richard Sabuin and his wife kakak Paula came over to help us find a doctor. I began to get panic...cause here in the Philippines, between 1 pm - 3 pm is siesta time (that mean afternoon nap time), thus no office is open. Finally we found a pediatrician office that open and rush AJ to get checked. This doctor diagnose AJ with a tonsillitis, but before she gave medicine she asked us to go across the street to get a urinalysis just to make sure.

Since it took time for AJ to fill his wee-wee bag, we took AJ home to wait in a more relaxing environment. Not long after we arrive, some of our friends came to visit and pray for AJ. Not long after, AJ filled his wee-wee bag and along with our friends we went back to the laboratory. Just as we arrived and took his bag off....out of the blue, AJ suddenly freeze and immediately followed by another episode of convulsion.

I thought I would die!!! I shouted for doctors cause I know it is a clinic as well as a lab. But all the...supposedly....nurse there were just as panic as we were and pushed us to take AJ to the hospital. Thank God, Henry and Ryan took the initiative to rush AJ to the doctor across the street which help controlled his seizure.

I couldn't believe it!!! How can this happened twice in one day??? I was in the state of confusion, panic, angry, scared...I don't even know anymore of what I felt that Sabbath afternoon.

Finally, after I calmed down and everyone else calmed down the doctor instructed us to give a higher dose of paracetamol and an antibiotic because he thought it was only tonsillitis. We took AJ home and I administered the medication.

A few hours went by after the medication....and funny....the fever had not came down. AJ was sleeping on my chest and I can feel the fever on me. At about 4 pm that Sabbath afternoon, the panic....again...came and start covering me like a thick blanket on a hot summer day. Finally, I decided to take him to De La Salle University Hospital, the closest most "reasonably" well known hospital around. By this time, my husband had been contacting the pediatrician in the hospital recommended by friend of us.

That 45 minutes car trip seemed to be ages. With no air conditioning in the car, AJ's fever seemed hotter than it was. My heart was heavy, I was suffocating...and I don't even think it was from the jeepney bad emission. I never been this scared and panic in my life before! You see....I am a certified scuba diver, I buggy jumped in Bali from a 50 meter platform at Kuta beach (I even had video to proof it), I dare the Citatih river' rapid and stone in a raft, and I am a roller coaster thrill seeker who always try to find the scariest roller coasters and rides.....but after that faithful Sabbath day, I think I never...ever will find anything that will scare me more, than what happened to AJ.

Finally, we arrived in the hospital emergency room. After initial checks, the doctors put him in the pediatric ER, put oxygen pipe on his nose and started questioning me about what happened. Then, it took them about an hour with 8 pricks to find AJ's vein cause he had suffered dehydration. By this time, I was angry of the incompetency of the staff that couldn't find AJ's vein and just experiment on his body like that. Finally, the pediatrician on duty manage to find AJ's vein and inserted the IV...by this time, AJ was exhausted of screaming and crying from the pain.

Yet...that was not the end of AJ's suffering. After the IV was securely inserted in his right foot, another wee-wee bag was placed to collect his urine for another urinalysis and we stopped by at the blood bank / lab so that they can collect AJ's blood sample. Again, AJ had to go through 2 painful pricking in his little left hand.

Thankfully, that first long night in the hospital I had friends who stand by and helped us. Ryan and Ilent helped us in the room and kept guard the whole night, compressing AJ, taking AJ temperature every hour and alert the duty nurse whenever AJ's fever hit 38 or 39 deg Cel. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and at about midnight or so, I finally put my head to try to catch a sleep. Unfortunately, it was not much of a sleep...nightmares and bad images continued to haunt my conscientiousness. The whole night AJ was battling his fever and I was battling my nightmares.

Morning came and AJ was still feverish. The whole Sunday was still one high fever after another. By mid morning our friends came to bring reinforcement and substitute for Ilen and Ryan...this time it was Adi. In the early evening, a group of our friends came, visited and prayed for AJ. Honestly, my faith was again shaken by this occurrence. I was praying as hard and as much as possible during the whole ordeal, but I just felt empty....although I am very sure that God had answered my prayers because today, AJ is alive and well.

Doctor visited AJ that day and explained to me the whole situation. AJ blood analysis showed a viral infection which the doctor concluded to be an upper respiratory infection....common childhood illness. Unfortunately, AJ has a condition known as Complex Febrile Seizures which most likely brought down by a family history of the same case. By this time, I was very upset with my husband cause I thought it was his family that brought down the gene....but after a long discussion with many family members it was found that it was from my side of the family. Bless his patience heart! (Maaf ya sayang!!)

Sunday night till Monday morning was still a difficult night. AJ still having high fever although was controlled by paracetamol. Adi was kind to stayed at the hospital with me and helped me changed AJ's cold water compress every so often all through the night. After certain hours, I was just too tired and dozed off...and had to leave Adi alone to attend to AJ.

I was impressed and thankful to all the young people that helped me that weekend. They gave me the support and help that extremely valuable which I can never repay. I sincerely believe that this is the essence of being a Christian. To love your God with all your heart and mind...and love each other as you love yourself. Praise God for friends who always there when you need them.

Monday morning, AJ was up and cheerful again! No fever until the doctor visited after lunch. He said that if AJ doesn't develop any fever until his visit the next day, he can be released. I was so happy with his decision. That day was much better then days before. AJ was "almost" normal...he wouldn't stop moving and I had to carry him and walked all over the ward. I was tired and aching all over, but I was happy to do it since I knew how boring it must have been for AJ; being hooked to an IV on the foot that restrain him so much.

Adi excused himself mid morning to return to school. New reinforcement came in the afternoon. Adi (my cousin) and Yessy came but only Yessy stayed since Adi has duty in Manila. Early afternoon Susy, Henry, Christine and Eunice came. Christine stayed over night to help out with Yessy. By this time, AJ was much better...but suddenly his IV was leaking and blood was pouring out of the gauze. I called the nurses on duty and they tried to fixed it...and off course AJ was crying in pain. After almost 15 minutes of struggling to put back the IV in its place, the nurse finally contacted the doctor which gave the instruction to take off the IV; and thank God that night AJ slept well with no fever.

Tuesday came everything was well. AJ had no fever the whole night, his eyes brighten up in the morning and he was almost back to his normal self. The only different was that he was starting to have "separation anxiety." I guess it is normal after his experience in the last couple of days. Overall, he was healthy and the doctor released him as per his good condition.

God has been so good to us and my husband had been so kind and patience with me. That weekend was the most difficult weekend of my life. I was ready to drop my classes and go back home...I was extremely scared, temperamental, moody and nervous. Yet... Jesus patiently comforted me through my husband, and my friends as well as providing us with the necessary fund to pay for everything. Thus, through it all...the GLORY, PRAISE AND HONOR lift up to JESUS, King of kings, Lord or lords and my personal friend the is just a prayer away.

Leap of Faith

My life with God has not always been a "good-good" relations. Although embarrasing to say, I don't have Abraham's faith...Moses's faith...or even my grandfather's faith. If the bible said about that you can do big thing with just that small "grain size" faith...well, most of the time, my faith was half of that.

Yet, a year and a half ago my husband and I decided to take that leap of faith. Both of us went back to school with no sponsorhip and just enough money to get us by for a few months. Amazingly enough, here he is...getting ready to graduate in March. Thank you Jesus!

I am so proud of my husband! Even though I know that he is stress (especially dealing with me -- "sorry baby!") but he persevere and completed his study. As for me, I'm still struggling. I finished all my pre-requisite and starting with my regular class. It is not easy being a student, mother, wife, and friends at the same time you know! Seriously saying...I am feeling like dropping my program at this point. I am soooooo tired and stressed out; and I am beginning to feel that the "leap of faith" that we took a year and a half ago was meant only for my husband and not me. I know that I can't do that...but yet, I can't help but feel that I am alone in this world. So please...help me...pray for me...